I think my husband is cheating on me
From what you describe, it sounds as if your relationship has got into a pattern that really is an emotionally abusive one.
You suspect something is wrong, you look for proof, you feel you find it, you confront him and then he either denies it or says it won't happen again. You tell me that when he does actually agree he's been in touch with other women, he also tells you that it meant nothing. But, I suspect it means everything to you because he repeatedly breaks the trust that you're entitled to expect from a committed relationship. There's nothing wrong with open partnerships but to make those work, each person has to be in full agreement that they want to run things this way.
For you though, it sounds like you didn't sign up to that and are constantly on the alert, and as so often happens, ending up almost playing detective, trying to second guess every word and action. That's exhausting. You tell me this has gone on for a long time and I wonder if this is because at some level you feel you can change your husband's behaviour. Sometimes we almost make ourselves responsible for a partner and start to believe that if only we can find the right words then they'll change.
Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating
Although talking together is nearly always helpful, in this case, I think you have to decide what the long-term effects of all this are likely to be if things don't take a turn for the better. I'm not for a moment suggesting that this is an easy thing to contemplate. Finance, children and fears of being lonely make it entirely understandable that people stay in relationships that are upsetting in one way or another. Sometimes it's just not possible to make the move away from something that causes emotional pain.
We might even think we don't deserve anything better. Some people grow up believing that they should carry on regardless of their own emotional wellbeing and consistently prioritise another's welfare to the detriment of their own. I wonder if that's what's happening here. You're telling me that you love this man but his behaviour is destroying you and you just want him to stop. At the risk of being very challenging, I don't think that's likely to happen. I don't know why he carries on as you describe — some people develop addictive behaviours, others find it difficult to hear how much of what they do distresses their partner.
Although he's entirely responsible for the choices he's making, every time you in effect, have him back, you may well be adding to his misguided belief that what he's doing isn't really all that much of a problem. Seeing a counsellor and having some time for yourself may help you decide how you want to take things forward. Friends are great and as you say, they always seem to have the answer but the important part of all this is that you find the answer that's right for you. Counselling may help you to have a different conversation with him, and if you go together this could be helpful, but I doubt he'll be keen.
Either way, hopefully you will be supported to work out what you actually want to do to keep yourself emotionally safe and decide on a way to communicate that to him and mean it, because what's happening now is not OK. Ask Ammanda: My husband keeps cheating. You could also share your feelings with close friends or family, but consider doing so cautiously.
- You think they're cheating. But how can you know for sure?.
- How does this work?.
- About this article.
One woman asked her husband to leave only after several friends told her she should, but she came to regret that decision when she realized that what she wanted most was to save her marriage. I have also heard from many women who have used the Connection Framework to restore her marriage to playful and passionate after an affair. Even when he insisted he was divorcing her. These women report their marriages are better than ever and that the cheating does not define their marriage because their connection and commitment are now so strong.
You may feel powerless right now, but so much of what happens in your marriage as a result of this crisis is up to you. One more thing, if you want to hang out with me and lots of other women who care about having amazing relationships, be sure to click here to join my FREE private Facebook group. I was the perfect wife—until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him.
The man who wooed me returned. Thank you for this post. Today is exactly one month since he told me he wants a divorce, and two weeks since he revealed that he is having an affair, which was emotional before the request and physical after it. I am reading the Empowered Wife for the third time, and reading the blog posts religiously.
I would like to know what it means to choose faith over fear, and how to show that. Great question, Anneh! I acknowledge you for your remarkable commitment to learning the Intimacy Skills to save your marriage. I hear your desire to choose and convey faith over fear. I remember when I felt hopeless about my marriage.
It took faith to find the courage to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills. I will show you how to choose faith over fear in my book The Empowered Wife.
How can I do that? Anneh, first I want to acknowledge you for your commitment. I so admire that you keep showing up, sharing vulnerably here and in the FB group, and receiving my support so graciously, whether from my book or webinar. From what I see, you are choosing faith over fear by committing to learning and practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills each day. That is a tremendous act of faith. There is more to it than I can include in my brief reply here, but I have absolute faith that you are well on your way! Last night my worst fears came true.
How to tell if your partner is cheating, according to a private investigator | The Independent
I confronted both my husband and his mistress. I tried my best I think I did well I asked her to be a women of integrity and step away… am I stupid? I have been told my greatest attribute is also my greatest deficit. She laughed in my face and told me she would step away when my husband asked her to. Am I crazy to still love this man who shattered my life?
God help me.. Those confrontations sounds torturous.
You are not crazy. I used to wonder whether I were crazy to want to stay with my husband. Thank goodness I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which empowered me to attract him back and have the playful, passionate marriage I had always wanted. A wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays!
Part 2: How to Catch a Cheating Spouse on Snapchat?
I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. I really needed this article. Bina, that is devastating to find out that your husband, whom everyone holds in such high regard, cheated on you. I admire your commitment to saving your marriage. Everything I tried only seemed to widen our rift. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills and finally learned the tools to heal our marriage and make it playful and passionate again. I would love to give you those tools so you can be desired, cherished and adored. Thank for such a consise and helpful post.
I really appreciate it and bookmarked it for the days i just want to pop or feel hurt and lost. It follows your other posts and many other similar veined books on how to build strong positive relationships. And the list helps. He is talking with me a lot lot more. Now I know better. My disrespect most certainly factored into my husband looking for oxygen with another woman. About the affair… it may be over.
Maybe not. Karla, thank you for sharing your experience.
You are amazing! Thank you for sharing Karla! I love hearing victories and thank you for sharing that! Thank you for your post. We are almost 3 years post Discovery Day. Devastating… Indescribable. I am here to say that our lives have completely changed from what I envisioned.